Every man at some time of his life, has to make an important decision. This involves choosing the woman he is going to get married to. For most men, this choice is a herculean tasks, because of the high number of potential wives available. How do men choose their wives? What influence them? How do they recognize Miss Right?
I sought to know from a few men what constitutes an ideal wife for them and what influences their choice of one woman over another. What convinced them their present wives were wife material enough. I got the following responses:
1) She is hard working.
This one came up more than i could count. Most men want a woman nowadays who brings something to the table. It is not easy for the family to depend on only one income.
2) She loves God.
Christian men put this first before any other thing especially the ones who really belief in God. Some even said they prefer a woman who loves God than them.
3) She has a good character.
This one is another one that came up again and again. However, i realized a lot of men idea of a good character is submission. After all, 2 captains cannot drive a ship.
2) She is pretty.
Some men want a pretty wife whether she has good character or not. The men say it makes them feel secure and important when they move about with their supposingly “pretty wife”. For some men, this meant looking for a light skin woman.
5) She sings gospel music.
Some pastors with ministries want a woman who sings gospel music so that the wife can complete them in managing the ministry.
6) She has money or a job.
Some lazy men want a woman to take care of them. So they look for a woman who has a job or who has money.
For some men, a woman to be considered wife material must possess several of these qualities. What do you think of this topic? What made you choose your wife as you spouse? Register your thoughts below.
Recently, i wrote a blog post about a capable wife and today i feel like writing about men too. The bible states in Genesis 2:24 that a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife and the two become one. What are the things that a good husband should do? How does a woman recognize an ideal husband when she sees him? Here are a few tips:
1) He loves.
A good husband should love his wife, or fiance. Love entails spending time with his woman, being friends with her, caring for her and treating her with respect and humility. (Colossians 3:9)
2) He provides.
This one holds true to a lot of women and is even ranked as a top quality by them. Women love men who provide for them and the kids. A woman would hardly respect a man who cannot provide. The man should be able to provide dwellings for the family, clothing and food too. The man should provide for the needs of his wife and children. In many families today, the wife might be working but she expects her husband to take care of her.
3) He is God-fearing.
An ideal husband should be God-fearing and submit to God just as his wife submits to him.
4) He is a priest.
He should be able to pray for his wife and kids and to lead them in religious worship at home.
5) He trusts.
An ideal husband should be faithful and trust his wife. He should trust his wife not to date any other man and he should delegate some tasks to her and trust her to them well.(Proverbs 31:11)
6) He defends and protects his family.
A good husband should be able to defend and protect his family and household. Whatever external force is directed to his family should hit him first.
7) He is a companion.
He should enjoy being together with his wife and family. He should revel in the presence of his household.
8) He is a disciplinarian.
He should discipline and guide the kids when they do something wrong and call the wife to order when she goes astray.
9) He is a counselor.
He gives counsel and advice to his wife. He provides direction and guidance to the whole family.
Here are a few tips of who an ideal husband should be. Which ones did i omit. Write your comments below.
I was touched recently when i read the book of proverbs and i read about the capable wife.(Proverbs 31:10) . This description embodies every single quality a good wife must have and how she should carry herself. Here,therefore, are the qualities of a capable or good wife.
1) She is hardworking.
A good wife is a hard working and industrious woman.(Proverbs 31:17). A good wife should be active and busy and not sit around idling all day long.
2) She is caring.
She takes care of her husband, the kids and the house. Not only does she prepares food for the family, but she takes care of othe needs of the family as well. She makes sure the family has warm clothing. (Proverbs 31:21)
3) She gives.
A generous wife is generous to the poor and the needy.(Proverbs 31:10). She gives to the community, to the church and to her relatives.
4) She loves God.
A capable wife understands that she would not be young and beautiful forever. She honours God because she knows God does not look at the outward appearance but at the heart. (Proverbs 31:30).
5) She is respected and praised by all.
A capable wife is respected in the community, at church and at home by her husband and relatives.(Proverbs 31:28). Her character towards everyone makes people to respect and praise her.
So, i reflected on this topic today. A lot of girls complain that nobody is coming to ask their hand in marriage. If you are one of such women, have you ever sat down and asked yourself why this should.happen to you? Maybe no girl in your family has gotten married. Why should this be? It might have spiritual as well as physical origin.
There are many things that can lead to this situation. The first may be the way you dress. If you dress half naked or in sexy attire all the time, then you are sending the wrong message to men. Your girlfriends may advice you that you have to dress like that to seduce men. But do you know you are giving the wrong message to men? They see you just as sleeping material and not as wife material. It would then not be surprising to find out that most men who come to you, come for sex and then run away.
I have a friend who told me that there was a lawyer who lived in her neighbourhood who completely ignored her. But when this man saw her in church dressed decently as a “big woman”, with african wear, his perception about her changed. He started making advances to her telling her he wanted to marry her. You too can make men seek you by the way you dress.
Another thing that would disqualify you in the eyes of a man is giving in too quickly to his sexual advances. Men would always put pressure on you to sleep with you but it is up to you to say no. Most men would test you to find out whether you are a true christian sister by how easily you give in to sex. To a man, when you spread your legs to him easily, then the story would not be different when you meet other men. So, women hold yourself high by telling the guy you would only sleep with him when the two of you get married. If the guy is serious about marriage, he would probably stay but if not he would leave.
Your character would also count a lot. Do you love God or are you just pretending by going to church? Are you materialistic or do you seek the good of your partner? Are you courteous? Are you kind? Your character is the sum of your daily habits. What you do daily would become your character. Do you gossip? Do you pass the whole day loafing around? Are you industrious? Men love industrious women nowadays. Women who contribute to the income of the household.
Finally, your lack of a man may be of spiritual origin. It might be from a curse, or because you come from an idol worshipping family or it might be from birth. Spiritual problems have spiritual solutions. Go and see a good pastor for you to be delivered and give your life to christ. With God, everything is possible. ( luke 1:37) God would give you a husband. Please, put your comments below.
I was listening to Good news Calvary radio here in kumba recently and a certain man called complaining that he was suspecting the wife of sleeping with her pastor. He declared his wife spends all her time in church and very little time with him. He added that each time he gives the wife money for food, she divides it into two and she takes one part of it to the pastor as tithes and offerings. He further disclosed that each time the wife cooks food, she removes the pastor’e own first and she goes to give it to him before he can eat. Counsequently, he said, he felt like the wife was married to the pastor and not to him.
This situation led me thinking. Is your wife too attached to her pastor or is this man complaining too much? One thing i have observed is that people who have positions in church sometimes spend a lot of time in the things of God and their homes may suffer. There are meetings to attend in church, tasks to do and in some churches the women have to feed the pastor.
Some persons may go over board in doing the things of God and the other spouse may resent it especially if he or she is not a cokmitted christian. Even if he/she is a committed christian, the fact that you do not spend enough time with your husband might bring problems in the marriage. I was told recently of a pastor in the United Kingdom whose wife abandoned him because he was more interested in seeing his ministry grow than in her. The man gave all his time to his church and forgot that his wife existed. She could not bear ot and she left.
Friends, if you are a woman and you are serving God, realise that your husband and kids exist. They too need your attention. The bible describes the capable woman in proverbs 31:27, as a woman who is always busy and looks after her family’s needs. What are the needs of your husband? He needs to eat, he needs sex, he needs companionship and vounsel and also himself and the kids to be taken care of. Are you fufilling those needs? What God has put together, do not put asunder by ignoring the needs of your spouse. Serve God yes but preserve your marriage too.
So, i was taking a nap today when i thought of writing on this topic. It might surprise you but in some homes, the wife is the bread winner of the family. She feeds and takes care of the man and the children- a role that is most often reserved for men. When God was pronouncing judgement after Adam and Eve had disobeyed him in genesis 3:19, he told the man he would have to work hard and sweat to make the soil produce anything. For the woman he said he would increase her trouble in pregnancy and her pain in giving birth (Genesis 3:16)
How do husbands then depend on their wife’s salary? I was told pastors are the biggest culprits of this. Whether it is true or a lie is something i cannot confirm. I heard some pastors expect their wives to give them all the money at month end so that they can manage it . And when their wives refuse to do this, they accuse them of being unsubmissive. Some men drink beer with all their money or use it in chasing women and there is nothing left to bring home. The wife is thus left to use her money to feed the house. Other men are plain lazy refusing to work because they know their wives are working and would take care of the house.
Depending on your wife to feed the home is not without counsequences. The woman becomes disrespectful and disobedient because you do not asssume you role as the man. Sometimes she might earn her money and hide it from you because she is afraid you would go out and squander it on other women or in the beer parlour. Other women might decide to sleep with men outside in other to feed the home.
Friends, if you are a man depending on your wife or girlfriend to bring back home money, go out today and look for work. A woman would only respect you if you ignore her money and take care of her and the kids. In romans 12:11, the bible instructs you to work hard and not to be lazy. Get busy for the right reasons and you would have plenty to eat. I wish you all a nice day.